feeling

these few days really felt like happened a lot of things...
i finally found the song i really like...
it is stay by estrella
really love it ^^
hehe
i hv been finding this song like ages..
but really happy when i found it..
haha..
today my mom ngam me again le..
but for the 1st time i really listens to what she is saying...
and it really helps in some way..
cos i am learning to empty my cup when i am listening
and digesting in the same time..
kinda cool..
cos she is teaching me the way of life..
where it is a precious lesson for me...
but for some reasons...
i felt like i wanna change for the better..
instead my old habbits keep resurfaces again and again
when i am on my way of changing...
sometimes really frustrated...
i will keep trying...

i have been thinking of alot of things...
mostly of what i hv done in the pass few years..
and what i really wanna study for my future..
still havent decided yet..
and for my past i felt regret..
cos i really done alot of wrong things eventually...
maybe it might be my imagination
but i dun think so...
and sometimes i really think i am a jerk + nerd + freak + cowrd...
haiz...
in the end of that equation , the result is horrible..
even i also duno how to say of it...><

why do i say such horrible things of my self?
maybe i am really that horrible
just that i didnt let it out???
i also not sure about that...
haha ...
i keep having doubt bout myself..
haiz..
in some way, i really hate my self for some of my bad habbits..
and my mindset..
1st of all , i kinda forgetfull and seldom kept my promise...
2nd of that , i often just think and didnt act at all...
3nd of that, i love to wait till last minutes only get the job done..
just by thinking of them , kinda wanna kill myself..
even though i know everyone has their own bad habbits..
but mine is like very bad...
and it hurts not just me but the one around me...
maybe i think too much? or maybe not?

haiz..
getting blurish on what i am writing...
so i stop here for a while ba..
continue next time...
blek...